What a difference a year makes

This time last year I was in labor getting ready to welcome our little girl into the world. The big question was if she was going to come on March 12th or March 13th (she came at about 2am on the 13th). It wasn't a fun or easy labor, but the pay-off was worth it :)

Coming up on the Pepper's first birthday I'm reflecting a lot on the unbelievable changes she's gone through over this first year. I spend time with other babies just a few months younger than her, and they seem so different. It's amazing that just a year ago she was this little mush-ball functioning on a handful of instincts (suck, grab, sleep). Now she can walk, and understand language, and have opinions, and communicate her needs, and feed herself. She even has a sense of humor developing! I don't know yet how the next year will feel but I think part of the reason they say it goes by so fast is how quickly they grow!

D and I watched this program a few months back and it was great to have some understanding of the science behind the changes babies go through during that first year. As humans, we're born earlier than other mammals which means other mammal babies can do more just out-of-the-womb (like walk). The reason they believe we're born sooner is our head-size relative to our bodies. We need those big heads to accommodate those brains of ours. But it means we're born really helpless, which makes that transformation to a little person that much more poignant.

I have had so much fun being the Pepper's mom this first year. There were hard days, and of course hard nights. I'm fatigued all the time now from not sleeping enough. I don't have as much time for myself, my friends, or my marriage. And financially we're not saving as much as we were before we had to buy things like diapers on a regular basis. But it's been really, really fun. Pepper, you're a delightful sweet little person and I just love you to bits!! Happy birthday little girl!

 

Top image from yesterday. Bottom image from the day after she was born. What a difference a year makes.

Recipes: current favorites

While I was pregnant D and I knew we'd soon be eating more meals at home. In preparation we decided to create a family recipe collection. My first thought was to buy a cute little recipe box with pretty index cards, but D wisely convinced me to use Evernote and it's working out great. We have a "Family Recipes" notebook that we share and we can access the recipes on any of our devices (laptop, iPad, phone). Plus we can search for recipes based on keywords and use tags (like "Breakfast" or "Vegan"). At this moment we have 409 recipes, yikes! But it's good as we do try have variety in our food. We haven't tried them all yet though but as we go through them some we keep and some we delete. Here are my current (and newly discovered) favorites:

Kale and Walnut Pesto: Delicious, healthy, and easy to make. I like to have it around because i can toss it with some pasta for dinner or use it to make a sandwich for a quick lunch.

Lentil and Coconut Soup: This is great take on a lentil soup as the coconut really adds a wonderful taste. Another healthy one that stores well so I can have it aorund to use for lunch or dinner. And it's actually both a vegan and gluten-free recipe.

Cauliflower "Couscous": I tried this just the other night because we received some Romanesco cauliflower in our weekly CSA and it was so yummy, though next time I'll use slightly smaller quantities of the spices. It was great to have an alternative to the usual white rice or pasta.

Whole Chicken in a Crock Pot: I've recently been discovering the beauty of the crock pot. This one was so easy, and came out so very tasty. And the broth we made from the bones was wonderful.

Any new favorite recipes you can recommend?

Image of the Kale and Walnut Pesto

Anxiety!!! Ahhhh!!

I recently read this post by Bri and it reminded me that almost everyone I know deals with some level of anxiety. Anxiety is pervasive! Maybe it's always been this way, maybe it's a symptom of modern times. But I feel like we all, especially the women I know, are always trying to find ways to manage anxiety.

Like Bri, I can find myself getting into these anxiety vortexes. Something will trigger it (something someone says, or a random thought will come to mind) and suddenly I can't stop getting obsessively worried about something. Maybe it's being able to leave the house early enough to get someplace, or how I'm worried about something I said to someone. Whatever my mind latches onto I can spin on it for longer than is constructive. But it's hard to stop, because logic kind of goes out the window. I start feeling like it's important for me to be worried about this thing; that if I'm worried it means I'm paying attention and I'm aware and I need to do something! In these moments I work hard to try to remember the reality of the situation. I try to bring in perspective (so what if we're late? what are the odds that such and such would happen?) And sometimes I can talk myself down. Other times it just needs to run it's course.

One problem is that anxiety is addictive. I think it's a control issue. If you're anxious about something I find it's usually because you want control of it. And getting anxious and communicating that can be a way to make things the way you want them. And that level of control can feel good! One thing I've had accept as I've worked to have less anxiety is my lack of control. Scary, but an important thing to realize and find peace with.

Joanna has a good suggestion for how she manages her anxiety. I haven't tried it yet but I probably should. Anyone else have any ways of coping?

Image via.

Parenting: Trying to find the balance

I find that one of the things I have to think about all the time when parenting is being balanced.  I feel I'm always seeing stories like this and relating because even in our short time as parents we are having to always make decisions, and it's hard to know when to say yes and when to say no. I'll be honest: I don't always feel like I ended up making the right one in the end.

When the Pepper was about 5 months old I went to a friend's BBQ and there were two pregnant ladies there, one who would be a first-time mom, one with 2 toddlers at home. The first-time mom was asking for advice from me and the veteran. I was trying to reassure her by saying that you won't always know what to do but it's ok. I gave the example of when it was the middle of the night and the baby was crying in her crib and my husband and I were in bed talking about picking her up or letting her try to self-soothe. The veteran mom quickly chimed in saying "you always pick them up!" I don't know, maybe I'm over-complicating things but I just don't think it's that simple; I don't think it's about doing what feels easiest in the moment but about what will be best in the long run. The challenge there is that you are speculating and sometimes guessing on what you think will have the best long term effects.

My latest struggles are around the Pepper's "neediness". She's definitely going through a mommy phase, which has been nice as we have been having a lot of fun together and many sweet cuddly moments. But then I need to leave and she gets upset. I want to be there for her, I want to respond to her needs, I want her to feel loved, I want her to feel secure. But I also want her to know that even if mommy has to leave I'll be back, I want her to know it's ok for me to be gone, I want her to learn to feel secure without me there, and of course I want her to learn to be ok with not getting everything she wants. And sometimes I also just really need to go to work, or use the bathroom, etc. So in the moments when I'm getting up and she's starting to cry it's hard to make the decision to leave or to sit back down for a little longer. And of course, as a working mom there is that guilt that makes me want to be there for her whenever she wants me to be! So that definitely clouds my judgement a bit. I feel I mostly do a good job finding the balance, and I think D is really good at it. But it's so hard to know...

Pic from the Pepper's first merry-go-round.

Looking for make-up tips: bronzer

Growing up I never got into makeup. My mom never really wore it so I never had any interest. Outside of prom or some event when my friends would do my makeup I never wore it. Even throughout college it just wasn't something I ever thought about.

But then I entered the adult world and suddenly it seemed like something I should know a little about. My dear friend showed me the basics and I think I do ok. But even after all these years it's just not something I'm comfortable doing. I always feel like somehow I'm applying my make-up it wrong.

My big question right now is, what's the best way to use bronzer? Is it for contouring where you do the "3" on the side of your head and accentuate your cheek bones? Or do you put it on top of your cheeks and the bridge of your nose to look more tan and sun-kissed? I'm confused. Any guidance would be appreciated.

Image via

Favorites from around the web...

1. This is great advice for entrepreneurs, and a good way to think about your business ideas.

2. Interesting findings on a happy vs meaningful life. The last sentence is particularity interesting.

3. I adore Brian Williams, so of course I love this. Hilarious.

4. Loving simplicity these days, so this looks very appealing.

5. Truth is stranger than fiction.

6. Not a huge Justin Timberlake fan, but I thought this was pretty great.

7. Love this wallpaper.

8. These beautifully capture what feels like a different world.

9. Even though I'm not there yet, this makes me look forward to the future.

10. Love this party theme, for a child or an adult!

Image via.

The Oscars 2014

Did you watch the Oscars last night? I have always loved the Oscars. Probably because I love movies, and probably because I grew up in Los Angeles where it's true that most people are in "the industry" and therefore I feel connected to the show somehow. A lot of people in my life feel invested this way because they are actors or writers or such. So we all gather around and get excited and fill out our ballots and have lots of opinions. We get very quite during the show (because you can't miss anything!) and then all chime in during the commercials. Well, that's how it's been most years. This year, with our little one at not yet a year old, I changed up my Oscar party plans.

Instead of the usual party at someone's fabulous Hollywood home, we had a little family party at our modest loft. Just the three of us having a special evening of watching tv and eating in front of the screen. I didn't get to see everything because the Pepper of course wanted to play and do other things. But I got to pay attention to the things I wanted to and didn't feel the loss of the other. Luckily there are still plenty of ways to get my Oscar fix today with all the post-show coverage. And though watching the Oscars with a baby of course isn't an ideal viewing experience, there were some wonderful moments that involved the Pepper. She was riveted by Pink's performance and at one point even started singing along! It was so sweet.

I think the reason I love the Oscars is that it's a celebration of accessible entertainment: movies! You get introduced to things you maybe didn't know about (I feel I need to see Nebraska now) and get to revel in things you loved (yeah Cate!). But you also get the acknowledge and think about the other people involved. I loved the speech by the writers of Let It Go. And of course there is the sort of combinations that could only happy at the Oscars. I mean, where else will you have Meryl Streep shimming along with Pharrell! A fun night. Though I have to say I wasn't a huge fan of Ellen as host. Her casual charm just didn't seem to translate well. And while the pizza bit has funny it also seemed to last a long time. I feel they haven't' really been able to figure out the hosting thing. Nobody has been right for awhile. We'll see what they come up with next year.

Image via Ellen's twitter account. It goes to show that celebrities are truly genetically gifted as they all look amazing there.