Seeing the words "I had a still born baby" in my blog feed yesterday morning was jarring. But I really appreciate that Kate Suddes was willing to share her story on A Cup of Jo. I think it's important that people share their happy, and their sad stories. It let's us connect to each other. And hopefully for those who have been through something similar it shows they are not alone. For me though, when I read a story like this along with the sympathy, love, and compassion I feel, I also feel fear.
I feel so lucky to have my little Pepper. It was a fairly easy pregnancy, and a difficult but successful delivery. And my little one came out perfect. Did I have my fears during the pregnancy? Of course. I worried about miscarriage in the first trimester. I would get paranoid anxieties about her health (was that half glass of wine too much? was I talking enough folic acid?) But I felt able to manage those fears. They'd come up and I'd be able to think about them and then dismiss them.
D and I do want a second and even though it's a few years away, I suspect that the second time around it will be harder to not be afraid. Now I know the ante. I know the wonder of what can come at the end. And knowing the love now, the fear of loosing that or not having that is greater than the fear of something I knew about but had never personally felt before.
Reading Kate's story made me afraid, afraid that something like that could happen to me. But, even though I have those fears. I know I will have to push through. Scary and sad things happen to people. And they could happen to me. But I still need to live my life. I can't be paralyzed by fear.
Do any other moms out there feel that it was harder to manage anxieties associated with a second pregnancy?
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