Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Musing on missing

D is in London on business. It's a 10-day trip, the longest we've ever been apart, and we're a little over half way through. His mom came out to stay with me to help me with the Pepper and I'm lucky to have her here; she is being a big help. So we're doing fine without him. Except we really really really miss him!! So much. I'm almost surprised by it. Pleasantly surprised by it.

The Pepper definitely knows that daddy isn't around. We've been able to Skype or Facetime with him which has helped. But if the phone rings or the iPad makes a sound she'll excitedly point at it and say "dada!". She wants to talk to him and to see him. Especially the last few days she's been extra sensitive and clingy and crankier than usual. She is very connected to her daddy. Drew has been a key part of our child-care since I went back to work so they have had a lot of quality time together since she was born. So even though she is still so little, of course she misses him. She likes it when we are all together and she is going to be so happy when he returns.

The amount I miss him I didn't expect. I knew I'd miss him but I guess I thought the demands of life would distract me. Even when Drew is around it is hard to find time for our relationship. As working parents our days get filled with all the things it takes to keep our life going. Cooking, cleaning, working, corresponding, parenting. We try to be aware of the need for quality relationship time and we make efforts to connect each day. But there are still a lot of days where by the time it is just him and I, we are both so tired all we can do is zone out to some TV and go to bed. Not very romantic but it's reality sometimes. With D away, I figured it would be much of the same. Life would keep me busy and then I'd be exhausted at the end of the day and pass out. I'd be too busy to miss him. But I'm not! I really feel him being gone and it's actually sort of encouraging. It makes me happy that I notice his absence because it means that the efforts we make to stay connected are working! Even when we are busy and it feels like we are two ships passing in the night, he is a part of my life. An important part! So much so that when he's gone things just don't feel right.

Come home D! Your ladies are waiting for you.

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